Say
by PancakesAndSunshine
Summary: *Spoilers for S7* Emily is distraught while in London. She feels like she didn't make the right decision. And, after all, maybe she didn't. Sometimes, you just have to say what you need to say. *Rated T for themes.


**Author's Note: Enjoy! Check out the song 'Say' by John Mayer, which is the song this story was based off of. Great song, amazing singer :) You can check out the lyrics, as well. Such an amazing song. This is NOT a ship fic. Of course, there will be sweet moments exchanged between Emily and JJ, Morgan, and Hotch, collectively. And don't worry, I'll reward you with a happy ending for sitting through all this sadness. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

"_We spend our lives talking about this mystery: Our life." –Jules Renard_

**-Present Day-**

Emily slammed an empty bottle of wine down on her coffee table. The wine glass itself was laying half-broken, a trickle of red wine forming a puddle on the cold tile of her floor. She had long abandoned the glass and resorted instead to large swigs of the bitter crimson liquid. Her head throbbed, and she scanned her unkempt London condo.

There was a vase of half-dead roses sitting on her kitchen counter, their wilted petals emphasized by the light coming from chandelier above it. Empty boxes of cigarettes were strewn around the room, along with collective cigarette stubs. Three empty lighters were laying in every direction. Loose papers from foster homes and love letters were scattered across the floor, indicating failed adoptions and even double that amount in relationships. What would the team think of her if they saw her like this? She was supposed to be doing something with her life. That was why she left the BAU, right? But, thus far, things weren't going as Emily had imagined. She was the London Office Chief for Interpol now, which was the only aspect of her life that was remotely making sense. Everything else was so confusing. So… _Broken_. She hadn't made contact with a single member of her team since her departure, and that was about five months ago. Of course, due to her many travels and different high schools when she was a teenager, she was adjusting fine to her new lifestyle. It was much colder here, but she was okay with that. Of course, some heat wouldn't do any harm, either. As much as she enjoyed the colder temperatures, she was beginning to get sick of the below zero circumstances.

She curled herself into a ball of pity, then gingerly pulled a fuzzy blanket over her body. Tears began to trickle down her face. Memories flooded back to her, most prominently the night of JJ's wedding.

**-May 16****th****, 2012-**

_The reception was finally coming to an end after what seemed like hours of dancing and chatting. The stream of guests had finally thinned out, leaving behind only the team and their families. _

_Reid was the first to bid them adieu. He took Emily's hand in an attempt to shake it, but instead, she pulled him into a huge hug. _

"_I'll miss you, Spence," she murmured softly into his shoulder. He buried his face in her shoulder, feeling her soft raven hair caress his cheek. A single tear dripped down his face. _

"_I'll miss you too, Emily. If and when I get a… What was that video-thing called again?"_

"'_Skype'?" Emily grinned, pulling away. Reid nodded, frowning._

"_If I ever get a 'Skype', you'll be the first to know," he promised, giving her hand a squeeze. She smiled as he began to walk away. _

"_Hey, Emily?" he turned around before leaving. She looked up._

"_Yeah?"_

"_Remember what happened with Cyrus?" he asked softly. Her eyes began to glaze over with tears. _

"_I'll never forget. And remember, I'd do it again," she replied firmly. Reid half-smiled, half-grimaced. He nodded, swallowed, and without another word, walked off._

_Garcia was next to leave the reception. She immediately pulled Emily into a staggering hug. Tears began to flow down the blonde's face, and she sobbed uncontrollably. This caused Emily's tears to finally unleash holy heck. _

"_Don't say goodbye, my pet. Just say… 'See you later'," Garcia whispered into Emily's ear. The shorter blonde pressed a small, friendly kiss to Emily's cheek. Emily nodded, looking deep into Garcia's eyes. _

"_See you later, Penelope," she managed a watery smile. Garcia nodded, pleased with what she was hearing._

"_I am going to video-call you whenever I miss you. I don't care if it's three o'clock in the morning, okay?" Garcia demanded. She immediately broke out into a smile. _

_Emily gave a small laugh. "Please do, Pen. It's been great working with you. I'll miss you," she replied. _

_Garcia nodded. "See you later." Garcia gave Emily one last loving look, then Kevin joined her, and the two exited the reception area. _

"_Emily," Rossi's deep voice projected from behind her. She turned around, and the older man immediately gave her a hug. _

"_You have been an asset to this team, __**mi bella**__. We'll miss you so much," he whispered. She nodded her thanks into his shoulder. _

"_Thank you, Dave. I'll keep in touch," she promised. He gave her a loving kiss on the forehead, waved goodbye to the rest of the team, and returned to his house. _

"_Aaron?" Emily caught Hotch's attention silently. Jack was holding his father's hand, and he grinned at Emily. _

"_Are you still gonna call me, Miss Em'ly?" the young boy asked sweetly. Emily bent down and kissed his hair._

"_Of course, Jack! Can I talk to Daddy alone for a minute, please?" she asked politely. Jack nodded and ran off to Henry and JJ. _

"_Emily, thank you so much. I know I doubted you in the beginning, but it has been a complete honor to work with you. If we ever need your help, I trust we can call you, right? And anyway, I'm not filing your papers into Retirement. I'm considering them forms for a… 'Temporary Hiatus'," he grinned mischievously. Emily managed a giggle._

"_Definitely. You have Clyde and my contact information, right?" she checked. _

"_Yeah. And, Emily, you're an incredible profiler. If you ever need to come back, you call us. The BAU will always be here to welcome you home," he said firmly. Finally, unlikely to his nature, he pulled Emily into his arms and gave her a warm hug._

"_Thank you, Aaron," she smiled, pulling away. _

"_Jack, we're going home now, buddy," Hotch called to his son. Jack immediately flew to his father's side. _

"_Bye, Miss Em'ly. I'll miss you," he whispered, tears beginning to form in his eyes. Emily knelt down again and placed her hands on his shoulders. _

"_I'll miss you too, Jack. I promise I'll call you to check in, okay? I'll visit and send you some cool stuff. How does that sound?" she grinned widely, trying to shield her tears. Jack nodded rapidly and threw himself into Emily's arms._

"_Bye!" he waved, Hotch taking his hand. _

"_JJ," Emily tugged softly on JJ's sleeve. JJ's eyes immediately began to water. _

"_Emily," she whispered, crashing into a hug. "I'm going to miss you so much." _

"_I know, JJ. I'm gonna miss you too," Emily said quietly, tears flowing down her face. _

"_You're my best friend," JJ whimpered, pulling away from the hug. Emily's throat closed up. _

"_You are too, JJ. I promise. There's never going to be another JJ in my life like you," Emily smiled. _

_JJ finally began to sob. "Touché," she whispered. _

"_Will, it was nice getting to know you," Emily said genuinely, extending her hand to shake his. Will scoffed at her gesture. _

"_Come on, Emily. I'm probably never going to see you again, and all I get is a measly handshake? Bring it in," he smirked. Emily managed a laugh through her tears. She gave Will a hug and pulled away. _

"_Henry, come here," Will called to his young son. The small blonde boy grinned at Emily. The brunette picked him up and kissed his forehead. _

"_I'll miss you, Henry," she smiled. The young boy reached a hand out and wiped the tears from Emily's eyes. _

"_Where you going?" he asked sweetly. She lowered him onto her lap as she took a seat on a nearby chair. _

"_I'm going to London. Do you know where London is?" she spoke slowly, and Henry nodded. "Well, I'm going there for a little bit. I can come back and visit, but I don't know when. I told Jack that I would call you guys all the time and send you some cool things from London. Would you like that?" she smiled. Henry grinned and nodded._

"_Can you send me the clock?" he asked excitedly, obviously referring to the Big Ben. Emily laughed. _

"_Now, I can't send you the real clock, because it wouldn't fit on the airplane. But, I can send you a small one," she grinned. Henry clapped. _

"_Yay! I'll miss you, Em'ly," he said the last part a bit dejectedly. She set him down and ran her hand down the back of his head. _

"_I'll miss you too." _

"_Come on, __**Cher**__. Let's go inside. Goodbye, Emily," Will drawled. Emily waved goodbye and gave JJ one last huge hug. _

"_Love you, Emily," JJ offered a watery grin. Emily laughed. _

"_Love you too, Jen." With that, the family of three went back inside._

"_Derek," Emily whispered slowly. This was the goodbye she never wanted to make. _

"_Emily, don't say anything," he said softly. He took her hand in his and kissed it, then held it to his chest. They stood there, just holding each other, for a while. _

_Emily finally spoke in spite of Morgan's first warning. _

"_This isn't goodbye, Derek," she whispered. He swallowed and nodded. _

"_I know, Princess. I know."_

"_This is just… Well, I don't really know what it is," she smiled. He managed a small smile after her quirky comment. _

"_I'm really gonna miss having you here," he confessed, his eyes wet. Emily looked into his eyes._

"_I know, Derek. I'm going to miss being here. But, this is… for the best," she replied. He kissed her forehead, letting his warm lips linger on her soft, cold skin for a few moments. She wrapped her arms around his neck, his around her waist. She felt his heart nearly beat out of his chest. _

"_You have all my contact information. Both my cell numbers, my emails, Facebook, and Skype. Call me any time," he said firmly, staring at her sadly. Emily's gaze dropped down to her feet, a tear dropping from her face. She felt it splash onto her foot. _

"_I will, Derek. But for now, I'm going to say goodbye," she whispered. He finally allowed his tears to fall. _

"_Goodbye, Emily."_

**-Present Day-**

She hauled herself off the couch, nearly falling to her feet the moment she stood up. Despite that, she raced to her computer, half-drunk, and half-in desperate need of a shower. She pulled up Expedia and booked the first flight out of London to D.C. The moment she found a flight, she took off for the bathroom and took a much-needed shower.

A few hours and phone calls later, she had her go-bag stuffed with clothing and necessities, and was boarding the plane. She navigated her way through the first-class seats and found hers. She was seated next to a young boy that suspiciously looked like Jack. Shaking it off, she stowed her belongings under the seat in front of her and rested her head on the wall. This was going to be a long flight.

**-Nineteen and a half hours later-**

"We have arrived at the Quantico McAf/Turner Field. We hope you have enjoyed your flight, and please fly with us again soon."

Emily's heart was beating out of her chest. She was finally back home.

**-Hours later-**

Emily took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She felt the force of the elevator push her up to the eleventh floor: the BAU. The elevator dinged, and she stepped out. Her stomach was forming knots in itself. She looked around, then spotted Penelope walking opposite her direction. Emily jogged up quietly behind her and tapped the woman's shoulder. Garcia whipped around. Her jaw dropped at the sight of her former colleague.

"Emily?" she shrieked, dropping the papers in her hand. She threw her arms around Emily's midsection.

"Pen," Emily sighed, finding comfort in the technical analyst's hug.

"What… How did you get here?" she asked incredulously. Emily smirked.

"I walked," she quipped. Garcia laughed.

The younger blonde couldn't keep her mouth shut. She kept talking about Emily's replacement, Agent Alex Blake, and how unfitting she was. Emily tried to calm her down, but before she knew it, Morgan, JJ, and Reid were storming into Garcia's 'lair'.

"Emily!" JJ gasped. She ran at Emily and captured her in a staggering hug.

"Emily," Reid grinned. She gave him a long hug. Finally, Morgan's wet eyes found Emily's. The rest of the team got the message and left them alone in the screen-filled room.

"Princess," he whispered. She flew to him and crushed him in a hug.

"I'm so sorry, Derek. I shouldn't have left. I completely regret it now," she began to sob into his chest, wilting the collar of his shirt with her tears.

"Shh, Emily. Don't cry. You did what you thought was best. If you want to come back, nobody will think any less of you. I promise."

She shook her head. "I shouldn't have left," she repeated.

"Emily, stop that. Look at me," he said softly, holding her shoulders so that she was looking directly into his eyes. "You did what you had to do. You did nothing wrong. It was your choice, and we all respect that."

"Thank you, Derek," she whispered, pulling him into another hug. And, just like the night she left, he pressed a loving kiss to her forehead.

"I just felt like it wasn't right for me. But now I know. I know I belong here," she mumbled. She felt his nod against her shoulder.

"I know, Emily. I know. You belong here with us."

"I haven't offended you, have I?" she asked worriedly. He frowned, still hugging her.

"Emily, it would take a lot for you to offend me," he joked. Emily laughed.

"Where's Dave?" she asked, pulling away. Almost like it was his cue, Rossi stepped grandly into the room.

"Come here, Emily," he smiled warmly. He accepted her into his arms. "We missed you."

"I know, Dave. I missed you guys too," she replied, managing a shaky smile. He pulled away, but leaned in again.

"To be honest, we _need _you back. Agent Blake is… Well… You get the point," he lead on. Emily laughed.

"I'd gladly come back as an agent. But, I need to talk to Hotch first," she frowned. Rossi shrugged.

"You'll be fine. He's been looking for a replacement for Blake. You'd fit right back in," Rossi promised. "He's in his office."

Emily nodded. "Thank you, Dave." She exited the room and made her way to Hotch's office. His blinds were shut, so she knocked.

"Come in," he called from his desk. She took a deep breath, then pushed the door open. At the sight of his former agent, Hotch's eyes widened.

"Emily?"

"Hey, Aaron. You still got those papers on hand?"

**The End**

"_In the end, it's better to say too much, than never to say what you needed to say again." –Say by John Mayer_

**Author's Note: I really hope you liked that! I know, not a lot of happy in this. But hey, she came back! Review please :) **


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